If you google the list of the most influential people on the planet, you will get the names of those who failed miserably and so many times that you wouldn’t believe it if they told you. Every success story has a background with a seemingly large number of attempts to achieve it. Some of us lie in bed thinking that it is impossible to make a strong impact on anyone’s life, including themselves. Well, if you are that person, welcome aboard. We are here talking about confidence.

Confidence didn’t appear until…

A good portion of my life I struggled with a lack of confidence thinking I wasn’t good enough to achieve anything, so I spent all of my childhood believing that I was worthless and that life was pointless. Most of the time I played video games and soccer with guys outside. I didn’t care for school because I was bullied due to my inability to study, inattentiveness (it appeared to be ADHD that I realized I had just about a year ago).

On top of that, I was overweight. I developed extreme anxiety about speaking publicly, so whenever I actually tried to respond during classes, after about a second in, I would say I wasn’t ready or I would start crying. I began to skip classes a lot. My school would call my parents and then things weren’t so great for me. I almost never did homework because I could never pay attention, so I had no idea what I needed to do. During classes I was cracking jokes and sometimes even teachers would laugh. I felt like this was my way of expressing my individuality.

My parents always worked late to make sure I had food to eat and clothes to wear. Sometimes they wouldn’t come back till 10pm, and I would be stuck with my brother who wasn’t into educating me, obviously… All of the time I could spend learning something, I ate and ate, and ate again just to feel somewhat distracted and content. 

It snuck up on me, confidence.

I don’t blame my parents. The conditions we lived in weren’t motivating anyone to do better. it ‘s something we were used to and something we accepted. Although, in 7th grade I noticed my brother started studying English on his own. He bought a book with a tape that I later got interested in. It had mostly conversational lines and daily life phrases.

I remember listening to the tape through the headphones and something sparked my interest. It was a conversation on a plane, I remember that. When I went back to school, I started to pay attention only to English classes. Unknowingly to myself, I took baby steps and made a ton of mistakes but my teachers supported me all the way through my journey and it will never be enough words to describe how grateful I am for what they’ve done for me. At some point, my interest got me further and I ended up taking first place in the “Olympiad exam” , what we call it.

And then I started to lose it.

At that time I was already in 11th grade. Until school graduation my only love and interest was English but I pursued it to the end. In 10th grade I decided I was going to become an interpreter. When I told my parents about it, they didn’t believe I could do it because of how school was going for me and they knew my personality, so it’s understandable. However, when I told my teachers about it, they said to me I had to work on other subjects to be able to study linguistics at university. At that point my confidence started dipping but my teachers had so much confidence that if I took the time, I would make it. They weren’t wrong. I did make it.

Why was it so stressful?

In the last few years of school I had to push myself to the limits to get good grades and at that point my desire to study English was so strong that there was nothing to stop me. By the end of the school year, I spoke English better than any student in school. I spent 4-8 hours a day every day studying English fighting my ADHD and lack of knowledge related to other subjects. Believe it or not, but I was my own hero who passed entrance exams to get into one of the best universities in the country. I suffered so much there to the point that I was thinking of quitting.

My confidence dropped when there was no support. I was absolutely alone in the world I knew nothing about. But my best-to-become friend who lived with me in the same room helped me get through later on and I finished with my Bachelor’s degree. Because of her and my other friend, I got interested in reading books which was of great assistance when my passion outgrew my commitment to English only and it became something bigger. Thus, I started learning other languages like German, Spanish, Latin with Ukrainian and Russian being my native languages.

They laughed but then I did it.

I remember seeing people laugh in my face when I told them I would go to Los Angeles one day or that I would move to the US. I visited Los Angeles five years ago. Moved to the US all alone , but with the help of confidence and belief that I could do it because I had once before achieved what I would’ve never believed I could if you told me about it 15 or so years ago. 

I keep reminding myself of this story when in times of struggle I start to doubt. Guilt traps me that I’ve gone so far to only come back to where I started. There are times when I become jealous of the confidence I had as a kid. In this adult world we face many obstacles that make us say “I give up on it”. But what if you didn’t? What if you challenged yourself to do it despite the hurdles, despite the doubt that it wouldn’t work? What people said was the least of my concerns when I was deeply in love with English. Their words of disbelief would go straight through my ears without stopping.

Now, what is stopping you? Do you want to become successful but don’t know what steps to take? Well, nobody knows until they feel that their desire is stronger than their fear; that their vision of the future is what they see it as, not someone else. Even making this podcast triggers self-doubt in me, but my desire to share this story is stronger.

Do it no matter what!

I hope it finds the ears of those who need to hear it to know they create their world. Success is not being applauded by other people. It’s not being recognized by them. It is that you realize how much work you’ve put in. How many hours you spent thinking of something that can become your reality. It is that you smile at yourself knowing how fruitful your efforts are after your consistent work. It is that you feel how happy your heart is that you trust yourself. 

If it is difficult for you to boost your self-confidence, think of any little thing that you ever achieved. Even if it’s saving up your first $100, writing a poem, winning a game or a bet, buying a car etc. Every one of these things is an achievement and success. When these little achievements build up because you take little steps, that’s when a breakthrough happens. For a much greater success habits need to be formed because they lead to consistency and discipline.

To read a book in a week, you can read for an hour a day, for example. To start a business, you need to save up a certain amount of money every month, depending on your goals. This can be monitored to keep track where you are at and how much farther you still need to go. Writing in a journal may help you with that. If you tell someone or only yourself you’re going to do something, do it. 

It’s ok to be afraid but don’t let this fear take over your mind. When it’s there to spook you, be the one to spook it first!

Don’t forget that magic doesn’t happen if you don’t let it happen.